A student’s success

I came to the United States to live with my mother when I was eleven years old. I have never had any contact with my father, who lives in Texas. My mother was studying for her master’s degree at Harvard at the time and, after 2 months in her care, I was removed from the home by the Department of Social Services. My mother, like me, suffers from bipolar disorder and has never agreed to seek treatment. Life with her was unstable and unsafe. After 6 months, DSS took permanent custody of me and I spent the next several years in more than 10 different foster and group homes. Not all of it was bad: I was fed, sheltered and in many cases treated very well. I discovered a love for running because one of my foster siblings was a cross country champion. I’ve been running ever since – it’s a great way to relieve stress and anger.
As a teenager, I was diagnosed with depression and bi-polar disorder. I didn’t accept that diagnosis at first and refused to take medications. My mother had always discouraged me from taking psychiatric drugs.

By the time I turned 16, my life had become a mess. I was skipping school, doing dangerous things like smoking and getting into car accidents. I wrote bad checks and got myself into a whole lot of debt. I was living in a group home and didn’t respect anyone I was living with. I put staff and clients at risk by breaking into the house. I called for taxis and didn’t pay for my fare. That landed me in court facing the judge and dealing with 6 months of probation and community service. In addition, I still refused to go on the medications I needed to deal with my mood swings. Things only got worse for me. Ultimately, I was referred to Wayside in the summer of 2006.

As soon as I entered Wayside, I was shocked by the other clients. I thought they were much worse than I was and that I did not need to be placed under such close supervision. I didn’t follow rules and was constantly causing trouble for the staff because some of them were close to my age and I felt there was no need for me to listen to them. It didn’t take too long for me to start behaving like I did at my previous group home: smoking, lying to staff and causing unnecessary problems for everyone in the house. I did not get along with the girls. Regardless of how much the staff tried to help me, I continued the behaviors I was doing. I didn’t trust anyone at Wayside and resented having to live there.

Then, I met Harvey, my clinician. For the first time, I enjoyed talking to a therapist. Harvey listened to me and never judged me. To me, he was like an older friend who could offer insightful advice. I looked forward to our meetings. At first, even though I enjoyed talking to Harvey and felt comfortable discussing my risky behaviors, I made no attempt to change them. I didn’t take his advices seriously because I thought I was leaving soon anyway.

At the end of summer I found out that I was not going to return to Newton to live. Not only that, but it turned out Harvey was the one who recommended I remain at Wayside until he saw true improvement on my part. I felt betrayed and very, very angry. One night, things got out of control. I was inhaling a hair spray can and a Wayside staff named Amy tried to take the can away from me. I fought her violently and ended up really hurting her. That night, I was taken to the hospital for evaluation and treatment.

Suddenly, I got really scared about what was about to happen. I was in my senior year of high school and at the time, I was applying for colleges. I thought if I stopped going to school now, then my future will be ruined. Even though I continued to go downhill with my behavior, going to college was something I wanted to achieve ever since childhood. I started to reflect on my own actions and feeling awfully regretful about the stuff I did. I stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks and spent the entire time worried about my future. I wanted to return to Wayside, but the decision was not up to me. It was up to the program and the staff I had hurt, Amy. I thought there was no way she would ever let me come back.

But I was wrong. Wayside agreed to take me back. Amy had forgiven me and was just as kind to me as she had always been. I couldn’t believe it. That was the moment I realized that the staff at Wayside were truly caring and committed – they weren’t just “doing their jobs.” Every member of the staff went above and beyond to help us. If it meant staying extra hours to watch a movie with the girls, staff did it with no complaints. Shanti even drove me to visit colleges on her own time and using her own car. With goals of getting accepted to college and moving on from Wayside to independent living, I began to get my act together and started to live a new life. I no longer caused problems for staff and obeyed the program rules. Wayside also made some special accommodations for me, such as allowing me to stay up a little later to do my homework and college applications. Even though it was really easy to get distracted from my studies, I had supportive staff to help me achieve my goal. Gradually, my relationships with everyone in the house improved. I felt like I gained back the trust that I had lost and that the staff were beginning to treat me as a responsible adult.

I continued my meetings with Harvey. I could be myself around him – I didn’t have to censor myself. He helped me change my whole perspective. Talking to him made me realize that I was the one making the choices and that I was in control of my future. But, I couldn’t talk to Harvey all the time, so running continued to provide a comfort to me.
Yes, it was hard to get up at 5am every morning to wait for the train. Yes, it was frustrating when my rides arrived late due to all sorts of circumstances happened in the house. Yes, it was exhausting trying not to explode when there was constantly drama in the house. Yes, I cried and yes I thought about giving up, but god gave me strength and staff gave me hope.

I also ended up becoming a sort of mentor to the other girls at the program, helping them understand that the staff was really there to help them. I was doing so well that the staff treated me like a kind of “junior staff” and I was given special privileges, like being able to go off campus and have some free time in the community. They talked to me like I was a peer, not just some messed-up kid.

Hard work did pay off. Soon, I received the most glorious news of my life: I was accepted into all 5 colleges I applied to and I shared my joy with everyone in the house. Staff congratulated me and I felt like I was part of a big loving family. In February, my previous program in Newton told me that they have an opening for me. Although I was very excited to go back, I was also sad to leave everyone in the house – it was like leaving my family! But staff told me that we can still keep in touch and they wished me well as they waved goodbye as my social worker pulled away from the drive way at Edgell house.

It’s been two years since my placement at Wayside Harbinger House. And till this day, I still thank them for helping me get my act together. So many good things have happened to me. Last summer I graduated from Newton North High School and all the staff who worked with me came to my graduation. Recently, I became an American citizen. This past year I have visited my family in China twice. Currently I am working at my college, Lesley University, as a summer resident staff. I lived a successful academic freshman year on my own and make wise choices now that I am completely in charge of my own life. I am planning to run the New York marathon next year and am considering taking all the journals Harvey encouraged me to write and turn them into a book. I am proud of who I am now. I also am able to forgive my mother. I realize that she is the way she is because she is sick, not because she is a bad person. I am the one in control of our relationship, not her.

I want to thank the staff at Wayside for helping me change my life. But I also want everyone here to know about the incredible staff at Wayside. I can honestly say that I am where I am today because the staff are more than just people doing a job – they are caring individuals whose compassion and hope for the kids in their care makes all the difference in the world. When people hear about social services, they don’t realize the real work that goes into helping people. A lot of kids who end up in social service programs haven’t had a lot of caring people in their lives. At Wayside, the staff became my second family. To this day, whenever something good happens to me, the first person I call is Harvey. Thank you Wayside for making a difference in my life; thank you Amy for giving me a second chance to be good and most gratefully to Harvey, my clinician, my life coach, my friend for never giving up hope on me. I dedicate this speech to you both.

A parent’s story

Wayside is always there with you. The clinicians will say: “I will be at the school or your home tomorrow, when can I come by?” We were in desperate need of a supporter, an advocate. What we found in Wayside was a Guardian Angel.

When your child has a mental illness, you can’t consult a textbook on the “right” answer for every scenario, every need. As a parent, you can’t count on attending monthly support groups outside of the home. There is always that possibility that your child will need you right as you’re walking out the door. That’s the cycle of mental illness – impossible to predict and sometimes challenging to assuage.

I found Wayside when my son was 3-years-old and recently diagnosed with physical, developmental and mental health issues. The staff at Wayside became our partners, constantly supportive and helpful at all times of the day and night. Wayside’s comprehensive programs allowed us to keep our son at home, rather than in a long-term residential program.

Wayside staff members were with me when my son was in the hospital, when he was in the intervention room at school, and when things went awry at home. They told me it was going to be okay. It was just what I needed to hear. Their expertise gave me the extra support I needed to be a caring and capable parent to my child everyday.

Wayside understands the complex sea of pediatric services that many parents are faced with month-to-month, and serves as an invaluable resource. If my son is having difficulty with a new medication and cannot sleep, I know that Barbara Gaucher will be there, ready with suggestions.

One of the aspects I love most about Wayside is the role of the clinician in the everyday life of the family. Barbara will pick my son up and take him on outings in the community not only to evaluate his strengths and opportunities for improvement, but also to see our life from my perspective. She offers clinical advice and anecdotes to help us function more efficiently as a family.

Barbara also advocates for changes in my son’s educational program and suggests structural changes at home. She identified “safe places” in my home where he can go if he is upset, and pointed out the swing set and trampoline as helpful tools in easing anxiety. Barbara makes his life at home successful, meaningful and rich.

Wayside also developed a 24/7 email help line for parents like me. If my son is hospitalized after a terrible day, I can come home and post a short message to others: “Can you pray for me? Help me get through this?” Within hours, there will be nearly a dozen responses. People offer their personal stories: “Amy had three hospitalizations before they found the right medication, but now she’s doing great. Hang in there.” The words of support are a tremendous gift. This list serve not only provides the ability to be an anonymous voice, but also the benefit of peer support without having to attend meetings outside of the home.